Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Dwight: "Hello tiny one. You are the future."

So I get a spam email titled, "Are you a good mom?" Holy crap. The subject line made me stop in my tracks. It almost put me into tears. Cause the answer, I'm sure of it, is no.

I try. I mean my kids aren't doing crack as of yet, but give them a minute, they're only infants. I try to do all the right things and I try to be a good mom, but I'm just...not good at it. Sure, I am lucky that I don't have THOSE kids- you know the ones you see at the mall, screaming bloody murder as they are being dragged from the store. Yes. Thank god for that. Cause I don't know what I'd do for real. However, since my kids AREN'T like that, then what's my problem? Why do I feel like such a failure?

Coincidentally, today, all over the news is the story about how stay at home moms, if paid, should be making $130k a year. I can see how they came to that conclusion, only because the job entails, not only cooking, cleaning, teaching and the like, but also raising a tiny being into a decent human. That's tough.

But it's not about the money. It's about the fact that I love my kids and I feel like I am failing them. I tell them I love them, I read them books in bed, and I kiss their little foreheads all day long. Still I feel like I am the last person on earth who should be taking care of them cause I suck so badly. Sure the kids aren't complaining - I am. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

Well. It doesn't look like anyone's going to be cutting me a $130k check anytime soon. Maybe I just need a hug. *sigh*
.

13 Comments:

Blogger will said...

Hug.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

(((((((((justJENN))))))))) Hugs for you!

Without having hung out with you around your kids, I still feel like I can safely say you are a great mom, taking great care of great kids who will grow up to be great people.

Besides, who else would have invented the fabulous game, "Don't let your brother die." :)

Thursday, May 04, 2006 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Jenn,

I got that same piece of shit email. WTF were they thinking? Every mother second guesses herself and decisions and they're (Parent Center) feeding into it. There is not right or wrong way to parent. You do the best you can with the knowledge you have at that time. You love your kids and you're there for them. That's what they will remember.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 6:02:00 AM  
Blogger Yvett said...

It's a sign that you are a good mother that you second guess yourself. If you were a bad mother, you wouldn't care.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 9:10:00 AM  
Blogger Will said...

you're a good mom until the kids go to jail and sometimes even if they do.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 9:30:00 AM  
Blogger carolb said...

I'm no Mom and I have no desire to be. There's so much pressure on Mom's to do things perfectly and it seems like it's a lot of fear mongering in the press. It sells magazines, etc. to put the fear of God into people and especially something so sensitive. I'll bet you're doing a great job and you don't even know it.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 11:12:00 AM  
Anonymous myra said...

I'm always a bit suspicious when someone claims they're a great mom.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

I'm sure your children are just so happy that they get to spend time with you everyday. You are a good mom, don't even question it.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger BeckyD said...

Everyone feels that way at some point. My sister, a SAHM of 2 very Boy-ish boys has said in her blog "Have I mentioned before that I have completely ruined my children? No one else seems to agree with me, but yep, I feel as though I've fucked them up for all time. No need to save for a college fund, I believe the money would be better spent on either therapy or bail." I have even said, "My kids don't stand a chance with me as their mother. I'm sending 1 to law school, 1 to med school and the 3rd I'm sure will end up in jail."

As long as they are alive at the end of the day and the house is still standing, you've done a good job.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:10:00 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

What everyone else said makes sense to me! It's a hard job and you seem to do quite an admirable job. I think one of the (many) reasons I don't want to have kids is my lack of confidence in being a 'good mom,' but then, I'm kind of silly.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 7:06:00 PM  
Anonymous kat said...

Oh honey, again, I will always be a far worse mother than you and I will always have more experience at it.

Now let's all group hug it out and see what shoes you're wearing.

Thursday, May 04, 2006 7:44:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Big hugs, Jenn.

I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do -- but you know what? You're a damn good mom!!! And super funny!!!

And I saw that yahoo post about the SAHM stuff. When did they say the checks were coming?

Thursday, May 04, 2006 10:28:00 PM  
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