Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before

Some things.

Polka dots. Again.
I got a coupon for FREE panties from VS. I refused them because they had polka dots on them. Not all over, just one small strip on the band. I freaked. THEY WERE FREE, yet..UGH. God I hate polka dots. Don't be funny and buy me something with dots. It will end up in the trash, I'm not joking.

Scary knitting.
One craft I don't do and will never do is KNIT. sko_G does my knitting for me and shows me scary scary knitted things. I have been begging for a knitted hat with kitty ears. He refuses. Mean to me.

How the shiv went down:
O.G. handing me something WITH knife in hand...
Jenn: "OW! Holy crap, Grandma, you just knifed me!"
O.G.: "Oh. Did I? Did it hurt?"
Jenn: "HELL YES IT HURT."
O.G.: "I'll bet."

And the winner is:
I have three, THREE to giveaway and here are the winners!

Hey you three, email me!

Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel

Well, I did it. The Best Shower Ever is officially over and done with. I think it went pretty well. I got asked if I throw parties for a living (No), if I would cater a party (No), and I got shivved by O.G. (Ouch).

Everyone raved about the food. Due to scheduling conflicts, I ended up cooking everything by myself, it wasn't that bad though. Pretty easy. Also all the guests were very, very happy with their favors. So lucky you, whoever wins the contest. You have until midnight tonight.

More importantly, the bride to be was happy. And that's all that matters to me.

Go HERE to see all the shower images.

They call me Cha Cha because I'm the best dancer at St. Bernadette's.

Oh good lord. Yet another reason to scratch my name off the list of candidates for 'Mother of the Year.' The Kid was dancing to the Wiggles. He kind of looked like Elaine from that Seinfeld episode, i.e. a lot of odd, jerk-i-ness going on.

So I said, "Geez. Are you dancing? Cause you look like a limping frog." Ok, looking back, NOT the best thing to say to your child, but I swear...limping frog. Now whenever he dances he says with glee, "Look Mommy, I'm doing the limping frog!!" God. I am a bad, bad mother.

¿Alguien dijo competencia?

Awesome like pink the color, Pink the artist...

Busy. Still very busy.
This morning. Black & PINK cookies.
This afternoon. Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.
...stay tuned.
Oh and enter the contest.
Peace out.

Gelato, bitch.

I don’t know much about Japanese people, I do know that if you are going to visit friends, you are supposed to bring gifts. Don’t ask me why, but if you don’t you’ll feel awful about it. Trust me.

Since I was heading to the Con I thought I’d try to make some Vegan cookies. So I turned to the QUEEN of all things Vegan, mipmup. She lives, like, 2 miles from me. I have never met her nor do I know her name, or what the f*ck mipmup means. More importantly she doesn’t kick my ass when I jokingly email her to tell her that I clubbed a baby seal for my new winter boots. Ha.

She gave me what she claimed was the ‘best Vegan cookie recipe’ ever. I did what I do with all recipes, I took one look and threw it out and started over. First of all, her re-worked recipe was super hippie. No thanks. So I went to the original and I made it more ‘Jenn-tastic’ (it’s in the dictionary, bitches) and honestly, she was right. That was one damn fine cookie, Vegan or no. It didn’t dry out, not too sugary, and not to heavy. It was just really…perfect.

Did she convert me to all Vegan cooking? Of course not. I didn’t get these curves by skipping out on butter and eggs, I’ll tell you what. For now the baby seals are safe. The baby otters, on the other hand. They’re going down. Those too cute - smug little bastards have got it coming.

Vegan Oatmeal Pumpkin cookie recipe, HERE.
** Don’t forget to enter the CONTEST.

Maria. I just met a girl named Maria.

Oh my. If you don't have internet friends, you should really go get some, because they are the awesomest people ever. Not the stalkers, the nice ones, of course. They are super lovely and give you nice presents for no reason! I came home from SD to find a package on my doorstep from the lovely and talented Maria. It was no ordinary gift. It was a "Best of the Replacements" cd and letterpress cards with my name on them. There was a note that simply said, "I know you have been wanting this cd." Gosh. And it's not even my birthday! Doesn't it just make you want to give her hugs?

In an effort to pay forward this generosity, I revive the great justJENN giveaway tradition. Seeing as how I will be busy all week cooking for this shower, I'm assuming blog postings will be few. (Yeah right, I never shut up.) Therefore, I am giving away one of the mighty fine - custom shower favors - to you! That's right, your name will be on it and everything.

How do you win this custom gift? Just leave a comment in this here post. I dunno. Tell me a secret. Tell me your nickname. Tell me why you come here everyday. Or just delurk and say hi. It's worth it. I've had this blog for about 3-1/2 years now, (Good lord) and I have met some great people because of it. Hey...thanks for reading.

Winner to be picked by random drawing at the end of the week. So rock on you 'anonymous' out there.

**More comic con pics, here.

You're my best friend, and I love you. In a totally heterosexual way, of course.

Yes, it's 2am, and I'm still up. I just got back from the 10:45 Arclight screening of Clerks 2, with a Kevin Smith Q&A chaser.

Now, I'm no fan of raunch movies. Things like American Pie do not make me laugh. However I'll watch a Kevin Smith movie 10 times over. Go figure. It's the fact that aside from the raunch, there is more. It's the 'more' that I love. The story, the sweetness, the jokes. Clerks 2 was definitely a movie for people like me, in our 30s, dealing with life, love and whole lotta pop culture references.

The soundtrack was great, in my opinion. Maybe because I have been feeling the Talking Heads lately. More the 70s slightly new wave punk TH, rather than the 80's pop TH. Also, I am big on Dave Pirner/Soul Asylum, so the final song, "Misery" made me smile. However, my fave part, was definitely the 'bollywood' moment, only because the Jackson Five's "ABC" is one of my most favorite songs in the known universe. You can probably find me at some time during the day, dancing and listening to that with my headphones on as I design. Cause that's how I roll.

Yes, I could do without the donkey scene, but if you can get through that, you will be handsomely rewarded.
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the donkey show

Back from the Con. I met many nice internet friends, and had one of the nicest get-away weekends I've had in a long time. This year was much crazier than years past. I daresay I have NEVER seen it quite this crowded. That, coupled with the heat, drove me close to insanity. As a stroller pusher, I have to say, I would NEVER think of bringing my kid to the Con. It's simply too crazy, too crowded. As a person trying to walk around the stroller pushers I have to say, 'get that f*cking stroller out of my way.'

The one reason I went down there was to see Kevin Smith. He was scheduled for a 1pm panel, and we, being loyal fans and smarty-pants, avoided the lines and got there early, around 11am, only to find out...he was stuck in traffic. In other words, we waited for him for over 3 hours...no Kevin. He was a mere 15 miles away, but in traffic terms on the 5 fwy, that was hours. In the meantime we saw a panel with Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. What did I take away from that panel? That Robert Rodriguez is a sexy motherf*er.

the line outside to see Kevin Smith

We were promised that'd he show up at 6:30pm for one final talk of the night, and after MORE waiting, we were rewarded. Whew. Cause if that fell through too, I'd probably just pass out outside on the lawn and call it a day. Someone would find me. Eventually. He did a quick Q&A, a short 45 minutes, which in Kevin Smith time, is only a few questions, but it was all worth it. He was happy, we the loyal followers were happy, it was a lovefest.

I'd post pictures, but I didn't take many. Like I said, this year was different than others. More crowded, less to see, or maybe I'm just too old for this. Nah. I'll be back next year.
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Michael: "Ok, I'm Aquaman, where does he live guys?? Jim: "The ocean." Michael: "I work with a bunch of nerds."

Going to SD to hang with the nerds and see Kevin Smith.
Anyone want anything?
Besides a second helping of chicken and waffles...? Why don't you guys see the magic that is chicken and waffles? More for me.
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What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me?

Today I saw "A Scanner Darkly" at the Dome. I was very very impressed. I liked it a lot. And I'm not just saying that cause YOU KNOW WHO was in it. In the beginning I was wondering where the story was going, then in the middle, I couldn't wait to find out the end. The end, well, it didn't live up to the suspense. However I loved how it was 'filmed' and I thought the whole thing was well done. In the middle of the movie, I turned to kfC and I said, "Did they get every ex-junkie-addict-celebrity they could find to make this movie?"

kfC was more stunned by the Arclight Theaters. He said the 'upscale-ness' of choosing your own seats was overwhelming. I just don't like to stumble past people or wait in line early, frankly. When we got inside the theater, there was an usher waiting to show us to our pre-chosen seats. Just as I was going to argue the whole, 'it's not upscale really...' then the usher went down to the front, picked up the mic and said, "Hi, I'm Dan, I'll be your personal usher tonight. Let me give you a synopsis of the film you are about to see. It's based on a book by Philip K. Dick..." At this point I could see kfC's eyes glaze over and I knew I should keep my mouth shut regarding the 'upscale-ness" argument. He leaned over to me and said, "When I go home to Hawaii I'm going to make damn sure the Consolidated Theatre guys give me a synopsis of every movie AND take me to my seat." Ha.

I also took him to Roscoe's chicken and waffles. I must say, the boy is now hooked. I'm telling you, there is no better combination in the world.
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You wear it well

One thing I know I have a problem with, is deciding what to wear. I may change clothes 3-4 times before I leave the house. It's not about what I look like to other people, I just can't make up my mind. Do I need long sleeves or don't I? I don't want to be too hot, yet do I need a jacket? I don't want to be caught with my pants down - for lack of a better phrase.

Now, suddenly the Kid has taken it upon himself to be the fashion police. His new thing is to come up to me before I leave the house, look at my outfit and say, "Mommy, this NO GOOD." This usually happens when I wear a skirt, I've noticed. I don't know what his deal is, but I think he's secretly starting his own version of "What Not To Wear" for tots.
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This is where I chill. Where I relax. Where I CHILLAX.

I know this is old. But it always makes me laugh. Especially the dancing.

Hey hey hey!!! But i like it when that lightning comesHey hey hey!!! Yes I like it alot

See. Told you it was hot in Vegas. Dry heat or not, when the Kid said, "Mommy! Something smells." I answered, "It's probably Mommy's burning flesh."

The O.G. plan went off without a hitch. More importantly, I've decided to move to Vegas because the only way I ever make money is by gambling. Not having a job. Just gambling. It's the only thing that I am good at. As my cousin said, "If there's one thing that I know about Jenny? It's that she's damn lucky." He's right.
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The third time I saw lightening strike it hit me in bedIt threw me around and left me for dead

Bust open the Kid's piggy bank. I'm going to Vegas. I have been informed that they are on 'heat alert.' I suppose that's like red alert...but hotter. DAMN HOT. Try 113 degrees. I would think birds would explode mid-flight at that temperature.

To beat the heat...I'll think about this. Ahhh...

melancholy and the infinite sadness

Geez, sounds like I'm filled with melancholy.
I think I'd rather be filled with noodles.

Yakisoba

When my eyes had been so red, I'd been mistaken for dead

Sometimes stress gets the better of me. I'm fine all day, but I usually lose this battle late at night, between 3:30am - 4am, when the world is asleep. This is when I find myself crying in the bathroom. Oh, did I wake you? Sorry about that.

I want to sleep, but just as I just lay my head down, I start to think. What do I need to do? How am I going to get this done? Then suddenly, I'm awake. Then, the panic. Oh the panic. The thought that I may never sleep again. I start to freak.

Eh, enough with the blah blah blah. Here's a secret: this is one of my most favorite songs ever. Listening to it always makes me smile. Always.



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2 Hype

I'm tired. I'm cranky. So I am going to sew. I could take kickboxing but I hate sweating, so sewing it is. I decided to make pillow cases with this Thomas Train fabric I had lying around.

I call this the "JENN SPECIAL." I have made so many of these damn pillow cases, I could do them in my sleep. They are very simple, and if you're a really good person, you'd iron and press them. I am not a really good person. I am simply a stressed out woman who is lazy, so screw it. Plus I hate ironing. Almost as much as I hate chopping bacon. And hate polka d...wait wait:

List of things that Jenn hates:

1. Polka dots

2. Ironing

3. The smell of bananas

4. Chopping bacon Rachael Ray

5. Chopping bacon

Now, back to the pillowcases. I could just sew them to the pillow, but no. *sigh* I may be cranky but I'm not inefficient. Like with the bag, I feel that being able to wash something is very important. So I always make these cases removable.

I don't know whether to give these to (bffjeninatlanta's son) Adam for his birthday, or haul it over to Mr. Anderson's for his house party. Who knows, maybe his new house is pimped out Thomas train style, you never know. And if it's a 'house party' I wonder if Mr. Anderson will be dressed as Kid, or Play....

Directions, HERE.
(The pillow is going to Adam, of course.)
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I normally don't say when I'm leaving town, simply because I don't need you robbing me, thanks. Although, do you really want cake pans and Thomas trains? That's the only thing I have of value. That being said, we are going to Vegas this weekend. The only reason this is a huge deal is because O.G. is coming along. So far, the planning is going well:

MyCuz: "What do you want to do in Vegas?"
O.G.: "What are you going to do?"
Jenn: "Hang at the house."
O.G.: "So will I."
Jenn: "Maybe go to the casino, later."
O.G.: "I will too."
(realizing she is going to just follow me around, OR she is just trying to be annoying:)
Jenn: "Then I'm going to a strip club."
O.G.: "Ok. Can we gamble after?"

See, she is dying to see my cousin's new house, but she refuses to leave my grandfather for more than a few hours. So our master plan? Drive her to Vegas as fast as possible, show her the house, 5 hours later, shove her BACK on a plane, getting her home in time for nighty night. This also allows my cousin and I to spend THE shortest amount of time with O.G. thus eliminating the chances of us killing her.

O.G.: "I want to know if I should wear pants."
Jenn: "Good lord please wear pants, I think they'll kick you off the plane if you were pantsless."
O.G.: "Should I bring Kim Chee?"
MyCuz: "What??"
Jenn: "We aren't even Korean, why would you bring Kim Chee?"
MyCuz: "How much are we talking about here?"
O.G.: "A GIANT VAT."
Jenn: "You won't make any friends on the plane, I tell you what."

It's going to be a long 5 hours.

(Don't get me wrong. I love my grandmother. In fact she did me a huge favor and drove to come pick me up when I was stranded this morning. But still. STILL. You get me.)
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I feel fine and I feel good, I'm feeling like I never should

I only have a few days left to myself before things get hectic around here. People arrive, travelling, the shower. It's all..overwhelming.

On these kid-free days I've tried to jam pack everything in, chores as well as 'me-things'. I was planning on growing out my hair for the wedding in September. I woke up and looked in the mirror, and I realized - this is not an option. So I headed for the salon and said with authority: "CHOP IT OFF. CHOP IT ALL OFF...but make it cute." Um. And she did. She whacked it good. I like it. The comments when I got home..."Whoa. That's short."

Tomorrow, the car gets serviced cause it's making a funny noise. Also, when it's super hot, the stupid radio doesn't work. Push the volume and it changes stations. Eh? What? I never learn, either. I keep pushing the button harder, assuming that I can force it into submission. The radio has other ideas. Also on the agenda for tomorrow, yoga. I do it by myself every morning, but my current stress level is at 115...on a scale of 10. Lately my favorite pose is this one, ha. So I think I better head back to the studio, and be forced into a real workout.

I'm sure this is the most boring post ever, so I will show you the cupcakes that I bought today at the farmer's market. Oh, they are cute. I bought them instead of making them because I am super particular about cupcakes especially homemade ones, also this bakery is known to be good. Plus, 4 for $5 as opposed to the retarded price of $3.25 a piece is a bargain. (You can't blame Sprinkles for charging so much, look at that packaging! Anything with a good design steals my heart. So.)

The frosting colors were so bright, I thought they matched my new "Happy Birthday, cupcake!" cards, pretty well. Really, I bought them just for the Kid. He ate it and guess what, HIVES GALORE, just like when he ate the pink cotton candy yesterday. Hm...could he be...allergic to sugar? Wha.....huh?? UGH...kill me now for being a bad mom. *sigh* Poor sucker.

The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload

Last night the Kid was sick. Runny nose, cough. All this added up to no sleep. For me, not him. He was out, less an hour after a liberal dose of Benadryl. Meanwhile, I was tossing and turning all night. I think I got in one solid half hour of sleep.

Then I had to drive to the O.C. to pick up my MIL. Since I was a couple of blocks from Disneyland, I stupidly decided to 'stop by.' This is the benefit of having an annual pass and kids that still get in for free. Once we got through the hard part: parking, security check, ticket gate, I was dragging. The no sleep plus the insane heat was killer. I even got sunburn, and I never burn. While the Kid went on "It's a Small World" I inhaled half a bag of PINK cotton candy. That gave me enough energy to stay awake on the freeway going home.

Then with all this talk of 'fried chicken' (sans waffles), I went the slightly healthier route and made some oven fried chicken and roasted baby potatoes for dinner. It was delicious. Try it.

Now I am trying to come up with a design for a better tablecloth for the shower. My first idea? It just ain't working. I have also realized that I hate math. Math can bite me.

I still haven't slept. Cause that's how I roll. With no sleep, sunburned, a tummy full of chicken and scissors in my hands. That was my Monday.
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My favorite weekend

Kyle's friend Chr*s (KfC) is flying in to come along for ComicCon. He's coming for a week prior, and I have one kid-free day to take him around. I was trying to think of one perfect L.A. day.

Maybe we'd go to Roscoe's for brunch, cause chicken and waffles can't be beat. Then go to the Arclight to see a movie, then to Amoeba for record shopping. Come to think of it, these are all things I wanna do. Maybe he doesn't want to do any of this stuff. I'll just do my perfect day by myself. Screw him. Ha.

Sure those places are all in Hollywood and all in a three block radius. Gas is pricey, people. I have plans for many all the other L.A. vicinities too - Santa Monica, West L.A. Pasadena, O.C. perfect days. Maybe I'll post my plans for those places another time.

Sort of like "My Favorite Weekend" in the L.A. Times...but not lame. Sure all those "celebrities" say they'd hike up Runyon Canyon, eat at Nobu, then head off to yoga, but they are lying. They'd probably just stay home and kick it in front of the tv, truth be told. Where would you go on your perfect day?*

*You don't have to live in L.A. to play this game.
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Bounce with me

Yesterday, I went out to dinner with friends that I see about once a month. They asked me what I planned to do for my upcoming birthday. Honestly, I have no idea. My birthday is a big deal to me, but when you have kids, it's kind of glossed over. Much like Christmas. Kids first.

Then today we went to a kid's 2nd birthday party. We drove by the park and saw three jumpy bouncers. None of them were for the party we were to attend. In this town - it's all about the bouncers. Goodness. These monstrosities are all over the neighborhood on any given weekend. Kids love them. Not my Kid, of course. But all the other kids were enjoying themselves. My little anti-social child stood in the corner, and once the kids cleared out, he said, "MOMMY, LET'S JUMP!" No. Mommy does not want to jump. I'm sure they are fun, and maybe I'd enjoy it...if there was no bouncing. It looks like a vomit inducer waiting to happen.

Looking back maybe I should have told my friend that I want a bouncer for my birthday. That way I could just lay in there and take a nap.
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Silly old bear

Well. My life is over. Today the baby crawled for the first time. While most people would be joyous about this event, and I am, no really, I am more about thinking..."Damn. I have to move some shit."

Cause with a toddler, we have junk everywhere. Tiny junk too, cause I have translated my love of tiny little toys to my child and he and I cry with glee when we see cute little things. Whereas the baby sees it all as food. Tiny monkey? Food. Little dustball? Food. Cheerio? Oh wait. That is food. Two week old Cheerio under the couch? Not so much.

So now that he's on the move, nothing is safe. Especially these cuties, little dressed up Poohs. Bye bye Poohs. We'll miss ya.

Six Degrees of Kevin BACON

This is what dinner for five looks like in our house. Don't mind that bowl of sweet potatoes and mushed peas over there. Some of us don't have teeth. For those that do, we have Turkey Burgers...with BACON. Mmm. Not a bacon burger, oh no. That's where the bacon just lays on top. Here, I cooked the bacon and then chopped it up and threw it pre-patty forming. There's nothing I hate more than chopping bacon. Well. Maybe Rachel Ray. The smell of bananas. Polka dots. Yeah, I hate all of those things more.

As you can tell from this here photo, I had no tomatoes. No lettuce. No buns. Hey. I was on the 405 for an hour and half today. I pulled this recipe out of thin air and it came out pretty good, so who needs buns?? Sure there's bacon and it may sound bad for you, but hey, at least it's turkey! And those onion rings, they're panko coated...and baked! So...yeah...totally healthy! Um, nevermind. Just go eat a salad.

(When I rule the world, all plates will have monkey heads on them.)

Jim Halpert: "To tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam. Yeah... she's really funny. She's warm... and she's just... yeah."

Come back Jim & Pam. *sob*

Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they...

I don't like strangers holding my kids. If it's family or close friends, I have no problem. We went to a party at my aunt's this weekend and this woman, who I didn't know, kept saying to the Kid, "Gosh you're SO CUTE. SO CUTE." After the 5th time, she simply scooped him up and walked around with him. Granted, I am in the process of trying to break the Kid of the whole clingy-mommy-only thing right now, but this is not how I'd like to do it. I just find it extremely rude and inappropriate for someone to pick up my kid without asking. I don't know you, lady. All I'm saying is - ask first. Who knows, maybe I'll say sure, take him home, keep him. But most likely the answer is NO.

It's not jealousy, it's the not asking that is the issue. It is usually always a woman who does NOT have kids who is the main violator of this rule. Maybe it's because only a mother would know that feeling...you know, that feeling where your chest tightens and there is this overwhelming sense of discomfort.

It's like when you're pregnant and people touch your belly without asking. I was a guilty of this - until I got pregnant. Then I realized how entirely inappropriate and what a violation of privacy it was. You think, 'Oh how cute, let me be a part of this experience and feel her tummy.' Guess what. It's still another person's body and you certainly wouldn't go up to someone else and grab their ass to feel how firm it is. Or would you? Ok, maybe you have problems.

All I'm saying is, don't touch other people's kids without asking. It took everything I had, not to beat that woman down and grab my Kid back from her. Hey, give me some credit, I have some decorum. Just back off, sister. And don't touch my ass, either.
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How do you hold on to someone you've never met?

Today I went to the movies. If you are looking for a Superman review...well, go somewhere else. As much as I *love* a red cape, I only give you....a magic mailbox. OH YEAH. I saw the Lakehouse. OH YEAH, it was...uh, kinda lame. But there were parts that I enjoyed. Here, let me lay it out for you:

1. Architecture.
There were tons of architectural references, which I loved but I think may be lost on some viewers. Almost venturing into the whole 'Fountainhead' - man's individuality above all else blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong. I love that book, I'm just saying a whole dialogue on a subject of architecture makes the chick flick audience lose interest.

2. The long shag
Sandra Bullock's hair captured my attention though the whole movie. Distracting me, even. I have a short shag hairdo, which I am growing out, but wondering if it's worth it considering I look frightening right now. In the movie she has a long shag and it's very becoming. I think I will ride out this bad hair storm that I am in the middle of.

3. Hardball
The girl in front of me explained to her friend, "He's that guy from HARDBALL." Hardball? I mean...not Bill & Ted's, or The Matrix, even? Freakin' Hardball? REALLY?? This does not make a good case on my love for him. No it does not...

4. Turtleneck
I am not a fan of the turtleneck, however, goddam that boy can rock a turtleneck. Just saying.

5. Time travel
The only movie about time travel that I truly enjoy is Back to the Future, one. ONE.

Basically it is a really odd love story about two people, from different times, very much in love, that just can't seem to get it together, timing wise. I'm not telling you to go see it. I'm simply telling you that that gorgeous man from Hardball made a movie about a mailbox. That's all.
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Wow, blogger is acting way crazy today. It ate two posts and I'm too damn lazy to redo them. It's about 95 degrees and I am hating life. What do you do when it's crazy hot like this? Eat ice cream of course!

Watermelon Ice Cream Bombe

Pretty in pink

I'm surrounded.

tea time

Tea at Jin Patisserie

(click to see what all these goodies are...)

Mmmm...cornflakes.