Cheap folding table

The good, the bad and the ugly.

Where to begin.
The bad? I got a call from the school. The teacher was panicked, near tears. She frantically explained that the Kid was sick, horribly swollen. His entire face had doubled in size and she thought his throat was going to close up. What would you do? My Kid was dying, so I freaked out and drove to the school nearly killing myself and everyone in my path.

The ugly. When I got there...he was happy. Nibbling on cheeze-its. A-ok. Until...he turned around. Holy crap. He looked like one of those Geico cavemen. I couldn't look at him cause I kept laughing, yet wanting to cry...but laughing. He was a sad, sad sight. And apparently he had looked even WORSE before I got there. Good god. No wonder she panicked.

Since he was alive, just ugly, I decided to pass on going to Emergency, because for god's sakes it's like our second home already. Instead...I took him back to work with me. I know, crazy. But I had a deadline and wtf, were they going to complain cause I brought my Kid in, I was working! After I finished up, I went BACK to school to grab the Baby, then headed to the doctor. What's wrong with the Kid?.....nothing. They can't isolate what's wrong with him, but I swear I don't have the energy to go through this every week. The Kid did think my office was fun so I guess I can always stuff him under my desk if need be.I saved the good for last. Why? Because why end on a sad note. One bright spot in my day was getting a HUGE bouquet at work. Not your everyday flower bouquet, oh no. This was a chocolate dipped fruit bouquet and goddam was it gigantic. Who would send me this though? I NEVER get gifts like this, and to my office? I read the card and nearly fell on the floor. It was from the contractor on my job. It is, dare I say, one of the nicest things I've ever gotten.

The fruit was fresh and delicious and the chocolate, oh...so...good. And jesus christ, they spared no expense. He bought the BIG one. Even a fruit bat would pass out at the sight of it.

Now my little caveman is sleeping and any day that ends in chocolate dipped fruit is a-ok in my book.

Adventure, excitement... a Jedi craves not these things.

Bored, short attention span. You get what's rattling in my brain...

What my boss said to me today:
"I thought I locked you in the conference room. What are you doing out?"
He actually said that. I wish I was joking.

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I saw a lady on the street corner wearing MC Hammer old skool "vintage" parachute pants, and I really really really wanted to get her some aviator glasses to complete her ensemble.

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This post makes me laugh and laugh. Can't you just 'hear' her saying it??

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I pre-ordered Kanye West's new album. Maybe part of me wants to see if 50 Cent will really retire. Ah, rap wars. They interest me so.

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OH. On my doorstep this afternoon - Nigella Lawson's salt pig and piglets! Whoever sent these to me, THANK YOU. I don't know who you are, but I really appreciate the thoughtfulness! Now I can cradle it like a baby, like she does in this picture. Which...kind of freaks me out.

Let's have a black celebration

Now is the time to get yourself to a theme park. The weather is fine and the kids are BACK IN SCHOOL. Go now to take advantage of short wait times.

I took the kids to the last day of "Snoopy on ice or whatever" at Knotts. While I do give props to anyone that can put on a 30lb outfit and skate like the wind...I fell asleep, as did the Baby. Also, choreographing Lucy and the football vs. Charlie Brown to En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It", I...uh...just do not condone. Maybe I was just waiting for the Iron Lotus, who knows.

While I have an annual pass, and the kids are, er, "free"* - we have the luxury of staying for a few hours and coming back next week if it's too crowded. Those who make the trek across country and come for their one family vacation, well, they aren't so lucky.

I am just advising you to make sure you plan well. Say for example you saved up all year to come here from the midwest, take your family to Disneyland, only to find out....IT'S GOTH DAY. That's right. The Happiest Place on Earth overtaken by the saddest people on earth. You know that Haunted Mansion ride musta been jam-packed.

*Free: Kids under 3 get into theme parks free. Let me just say that a friend of mine got her 6 year old daughter in by telling her to 'not speak' and 'sit on her legs' in the stroller. Hilarious. Nice way to set an example, but hey you know how much a one day ticket costs now? $73 big ones, baby.

I was hoping to dress like Prince if he was just going to the zoo, or the supermarket. Casual Prince.

Per the usual around here, I got nothing for my birthday. Once I put these kids to work in a sweatshop, maybe then they'll buy me something, dammit. Or make me something. MWAHAH!

So, I bought myself birthday gifts. Lately I have been really into dresses. It is rare for me to find ones that fit, but this season all the dresses are fitted at the bust and hit nicely above the knee, and they don't look so tent-y on me. Everything I bought was black, of course. I like to dress 'sexy funeral'. I have been buying up every single one that fits cause I know that once this season ends, it's back to dresses for boob-less skinny chicks, then I'm screwed.

I was thrilled to see the new line of Dominque Cohen jewelry at Target. Yes, it's Target, but who gives a damn, it's affordable. The pieces are well made, and quite pretty. I picked up a few necklaces that I just love.

When Fresh stopped making my hair paste I freaked out. Nothing could make my hair smell as nice or keep the craziness at bay. Then the girl at Sephora talked me into Jonathan "Dirt" hair paste. I was reluctant to try it just because I only knew him as that reality tv hair guy and that his sister founded the Pussycat Dolls. Two things that do not interest me. But I gave it a go, and man, that is some good stuff. I highly suggest you all put "Dirt" in your hair.

Those were my gifts to myself. Happy birthday to me. I better write myself a thank you card.

Happy Birdday

Today's my birthday!

My birthday wishes came true, the skies parted and the heat is gone. It's actually COLD in my neighborhood and I had to wear pants. PANTS. I am usually the pantless type, wait that...doesn't...sound right. Anyway, it's cooler. The end.

Some of the things I did this weekend - went shopping (more on that later), ate Knott's fried chicken dinner, and ended up meeting several different bloggers. It was a pretty darn good weekend. After a three hour chat with a friend I think my bad mood is but a distant memory. I have even embraced the idea of Halloween in August, and have started thinking about the Baby's birthday party in November. Here's to moving on with life.

While I like to think that you guys love me for me, I can tell by the 70+ comments that you love me...for free stuff. HA. The amount of traffic that comes here is pretty high, but I rarely get comments. I am the Queen of Lurkers - reading my blog must be like being addicted to drugs. You don't want to admit it and will deny it when asked - but I am very glad to get feedback. So thanks for de-lurking. And now (what you really came here for) - the winners:
Whoever emails me first gets first choice at what they want. Thanks for participating everyone, don't get discouraged, I'm sure I'll have another giveaway when the mood strikes. For now, I am welcoming *34* with open arms.

I don't care if you're ugly or you're skanky or you're small, I just wanna do something special for ya'll.

I don't know why you guys come here, but I'm glad you do. So if you are of the lurking sort, now might be a good time to deee-lurk, if you will.

My birthday is Monday, and I am having a giveaway, yay! I have been wanting to do this for a while, but I figure now's the best time! I love to get presents, but giving them is just as fun. Which is probably why I'm always down with making party favors.

I have two prizes this time! A set of cooking stuff, all that I bought just for this giveaway (on my many trips to Surfas) of cooking items that I love, use often, and talk about a lot. A sili-brush, mini spoonula, fiberglass spoon, mini measuring cup, pinch bowl (like Alton Brown uses), and a few other things. Er, tough sh*t if you don't like red - hey, it's free.

The other prize is a little bag o' cute. All things cute, who doesn't love cute? Communists? I dunno.
Just leave a comment, that's it! A winner will be picked at random - you have til Sunday night. See ya!

There ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Things could be better. I feel fat. Unappreciated. I hate everyone and everything. Life just feels generally awful. It's been this way for weeks. I need to go into hiding where no one can find me. I am scouting locations now, but there has to be air conditioning, thanks.

Other demands I have? For the retail industry not to screw with me. I saw an add for Halloween and started to freak out. I went into a panic thinking about costumes I needed to get for the kids, decor for the house, candy I needed to buy, then I realized...it's goddam August. WHO CARES.

Things were looking up when I received a package today - which is fantastic because there's nothing I love more than getting packages in the mail. Only...this one was spilling out little black pieces of sand. I thought someone sent me kitty litter but it turned out to be black sea salt, which is all fine and dandy but a pain in the ass to clean up, can I just say. (insert Debbie Downer theme music here.)

Enough complaining. I am just waiting for September 27. Someone please rouse me from hiding then.

*image courtesy of kawaii not.

I'm hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you're not. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot.

You guys can't fool me. I know you're only sticking around here cause you know I'm giving prizes away at the end of this week. You're all, "No baby, I love you for real." Right. I know your game. See you Friday.

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Man, it's hot. The weird thing is, I willingly went to the Valley this weekend. Idiot. When I opened the car doors the Baby yelled, "Hot. Hooottttt. HOT!!!!" Here are some excellent ways to beat this crazy summer heat. HIT IT:

1. Frozen grapes
Freeze a ziploc full of seedless grapes and you'll have little icy bullets of grape-dy goodness. Just don't get 'em lodged in your throat.

2. Hefty Zoo Pals cups
These things are freakin' awesome. Ok, maybe I bought them more for myself than for the kids, but heck, they are cute. I was strolling down the aisle at Target and couldn't pass them up. Little animal cups, with little spout lids, perfect for a cold drink for the kids.

3. Tank tops
Good lord, I have a ton of them. In every color. Well, not bright colors. I don't wear bright colors. But I do have a lot of them. I buy them whenever I can since I wear them constantly. With work clothes, as my pjs, layered. Love me some tank tops.

4. Light salads
Not cooking anything that requires heavy lifting and/or blazing hot oven heat is a good thing. My summer go to is always Somen Salad. It's light and easy and you just throw in whatever you have in the fridge. Perfect. Somen Salad recipe, HERE.

5. Stay indoors.
As Mike mentioned, Yo Gabba Gabba is a fun time for all when it's hot out. Especially if you like Biz Markie, or Paul Frank's Julius the Monkey or of course, if you have a party in your tummy.

Cool ideas: a bit of hay coming out of the corner of your mouth.

I'm wondering....


...why I want these Nigella Lawson mini Salt Pig and Piglets.
Perhaps I just like saying 'salt pig.'

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...if I will ever be able to stop eating Harry & David Chocolate dipped Peanut Brittle.

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...who came to this blog searching for 'magic bra' and where can I get one?

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...why I bought these fabulously hawt chocolate brown patent leather peep toes that I love, when I hate patent leather.



Sorry for all the one-liners. It's too hot to think.

You don't know rough, sister.

I went out Friday night, which is a big thing for me cause I rarely leave the house at night. But with a sitter at my fingertips, the world was my oyster. Dinner at the cafe, browsing Amoeba, late night Simpsons showing at the Arclight PLUS freshly made caramel popcorn, all with some of my best friends. It was great. Except...

one of my friends couldn't be there. She gave birth the night before you see, yet she still called me from the hospital to ask me what movie we were going to see...without her. (Insert collective 'AW' here. Poor her.)

I felt really bad because, well, this is the second time that I've told someone that giving birth is a breeze. And it is. For me. When the Baby was born I was literally lying on the table and the doctor even said, "Wow, this is so easy for you. You are so good at this, you should have more!" Great. I finally find something I'm good at and I can't get paid for it, nor do I want to do it ever again.

But three pushes and the babies come out and I'm ready to jog around the block and eat a sandwich thanks, is how I give birth. It's a gift I guess. But it's really bad when you tell that to your newly pregnant friends who inevitably go into the world's most painfully long complicated labors. Um. Yeah. My bad. I guess calling my preggers friends up and saying, "How's your vajayjay?" doesn't win me any friend points either.

To distract you from the idea of giving birth, I give you this picture of one of my most favorite places in L.A., a view from the mezzanine at Amoeba. Look at all those lovely, lovely cds. Ah. Much better than vajayjay stories.

More than meets the eye.

New shirts for the kids. Damn, I love this.

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Question:
Are you single?
Nope. According to a recent number of inquiries, apparently I won't be lacking for dates if need be.

Question:
Don't you want another kid?
Again, nope.

Poppy:
I just baked another batch of your pumpkin muffins - I use fresh pumpkin.
I'm actually not a fan of 'real' pumpkin, it's too earthy for me. The canned actually adds a little more in flavor and consistency. Just a matter of taste.

Ms. Chickpea:
I found that the (teriyaki) sauce seemed more salty and not as sweet as I liked.
Some soy sauces are saltier than others. I think I know that 'sweet' that you are going for. The really sweet ones are usually Hawaiian teriyaki sauces. They usually use a one to one ratio of sugar to soy, whereas the Japanese ones go a little less on the sugar. Also you'll get that 'thick' sauce where the Japanese ones are a bit more thin so that you can still taste the actual food rather than all sauce. I like the Japanese ones better myself.

Nanette:
Which kind of bear is the best bear?
BLACK BEAR.

Gerta:
Are you an exact recipe follower or are you a "by feel" cook?
I do follow recipes, but I can tell when I read them if they are going to work for me or not so I change as I go. Which doesn't answer your question at all.

Thanks for the questions, even the personal ones. I mean which kind of bear?! Sheesh, talk about prying...

Questions, questions. Give me no answers.That's all they ever give me. Questions, questions.

I haven't been posting recipes lately, which is a relief to some readers, and boring to others. I will tell you, I have been cooking like CRAYZAY.

Someone recently asked me why her cookies came out so wonky when she followed the recipe, exactly. Whenever people say that...I worry. More investigation led me to the fact that she used aluminum foil on her cookie sheets. Good lord. Please don't do that. It's so old skool, and just...don't.

So again, I open it up to questions. I don't have all the answers, but I'll give it a shot. Also, take a look at the new improved seating bench - now with shelf above. And Kid. Or hobo. Depends how you look at it.

Seriously. Cooking/recipe questions? I'm running out of content and I'm sure you don't come here everyday just for my thoughts on Kimora Lee Simmons' my so-called-phat-life.

Flipping out

Donate a book to Paul Frank, get 20% off. There goes my paycheck.

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I dream about crazy sh*t. Like flipping pancakes. I swear it was as if I was flipping pancakes for 5 hours. Even in my dream I was saying, "WHEN CAN I STOP FLIPPING THESE PANCAKES??" I was about to go insane.

So of course, I decided to make pancakes for dinner. Hey, I took it as a sign, ok? Not just any pancakes, I took my basic pancake recipe and added stuff. Like into the batter, stuff. I made chocolate mini chip pancakes, blueberry pancakes, and sausage pancakes. Pancakes are way more fun to eat that way.

If you ever wondered why your pancakes look like this, with a dark circle around the edges and discolored in the middle - it's because your heat is too high. The first ones always come out like this. No, what you want is a perfectly golden disk. So pretty.

Want to know the other secrets to my pancakes? Then go here for the recipe. If you dare. You may end up dreaming about pancakes ALL NIGHT too, sucka.

I know I'm right, for the first time in my life. Thats why I tell you, you'd better be home soon.

I love this picture of the Baby. He is insane.

I looked in the real estate section today. Houses in my area are going for 1.2 million. That is reedickulous. We will never be able to move. Ever.

So instead I am going to fix up the joint. I hate clutter, although you'd never know it by all the kid's crap in my living room. But I do my best to use storage solutions to attempt to hide it all. Let's just say, I have a lot of storage.

In my house, you do not wear shoes indoors. It's not about respect, or being asian, it's about me not wanting to vacuum sh*t up off the dirty stank ground every two minutes thanks, basically. Therefore I have tons o' shoes in my entryway and it KILLS ME. There's nothing I hate more than looking at piles of shoes, and this from a woman who loves shoes.
So I bought a bench. For you to sit on when you put on your shoes. With baskets underneath to HIDE said shoes until you leave. Use it. Or I will throw your shoes out in the street. Yes that goes for you too, BABY.

He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you done?

At Costco today, the sample-hander-outer-guy said to the kids, "You know why you little boys are so good looking? Cause your mom is gorgeous." Hey dude, I'm still not buying your sausages. Literally and figuratively.

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Aw. Thanks for the shoutout, Indie Fixx.

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I am so proud of myself. I have no less than 5 reusable 'green' grocery bags (not this one.) that I always take with me to the store. Especially when I drive my gas guzzler car two blocks down the street. Yep. I care.

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Completely unsolicited, the Baby cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, "RUN'S HOUSE!". We are awesomely ghetto like that.

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I actually had a 'real' post but it turned out kinda sad and depressing. So instead I give you a bunch of crap one liners and this picture of the Kid:

The Kid is starting to take after me and my love of art. Man, I'm totally selling that thing on ebay when he's famous.

Beverly Hills...rolling like a celebrity

Scenes from Beverly Hills today:

1. Since I was already out that way, I thought I'd stop by Sprinkles Cupcakes, but the line was at least FIFTY people deep. I'd say approx. a 2 hour wait. Hey, I like cupcakes. Hell, I'll even pay $3.25 for one. But I WILL NOT stand in a line that long for nothin'. Not even Nemo.

2. I missed my turn and turned up Rodeo, which I generally try to avoid. People just drive and walk on that street for no reason. However, if you are here on vacation, I can see why. I saw no less than 2 Rolls Royces and one Lamborghini, just on that one little street.

3. The ACLU was out in full force, soliciting signatures. Hey guys, I feel your pain, but I think you're targeting the wrong crowd. Maybe.

4. The traffic was killing me so I took a shortcut. Big mistake. I ended up driving by a row of about 20 paparazzi. The Kid yelled, "Hey, a parade!"

5. Driving home by Century City, I saw that Pink Taco opened. A name which both frightens and amuses me. I hate to say it, but the menu sounds good. Here's what Tina Fey has to say. And the Daily Show.

It's in the photograph, it's in the photograph of love

Click to Notorious Biggie size.

How was your trip? FASCIST!

Man, I never should have taken those days off. Going back to work has been tough. I just think about long lunches and lazing about.

I went to Beverly Center and looked at shoes. I saw the cutest pair ever, that I was sure were going to be mine, til I flipped them over. $300. Fergetit. Instead I headed over to Cook's Library and spent two hours there, looking through cookbooks.

There are very specific things I look for when I buy a cookbook. It has to have full, lovely, color pictures, I like to see the food. It has to use good fonts. I am a font whore, you know. And most importantly, I need to be able to randomly turn to at least five pages and be able to cook those recipes easily. Meaning, the cookbook is usable. Here are the ones I picked up:

I could have probably got some of them cheaper on the internet, but I could tell that the store was struggling a bit. I mean, a store that only sells cookbooks, who the hell is going to go there? Besides me. Ha. I certainly didn't spend enough to make up for my heartwrenching loss of the $300 shoes, but it could have been worse. I could have bought THESE $355 mouse shoes instead:*Yes, I had my camera with me. The shoesalesman at the very expensive store was not happy with me.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

And the vacation continues. You all should hope that I quit my job because apparently that is the only way I have fun things to write about up in here. I took a few days off and made the most of this city that I love. I ate at some places I've been wanting to try for a while. First up, Breadbar. Good lord if the name alone doesn't make you salivate. Me - I can live and die on crusty bread and pastries. I don't need much else. Screw oxygen, give me a croissant.

I had a nice eggs & potatoes breakfast (my fave) and a coffee eclair. I also had a taste of a lovely sugar brioche and an olive roll. The pastries and bread are deadly good. If it was closer, I fear I'd stop here everyday.

For lunch I went to the new and much hyped Mario Batali/Nancy Silverton joint, Pizzeria Mozza. To get a reservation here is difficult to say the least. Only the bigwigs eat here, cause we saw Sherry Lansing leaving as we were sitting down. The Osteria next door is even harder to get into, but once I tasted the food here? Wow. I would love to go next door.

This was seriously the best Italian pizza I have ever eaten. Note: Italian. I am not a fan of pizza, meaning American cheesy cheesy with junk on top. I prefer the straight up to the point toppings very little cheese route. This was...AMAZING. Squash blossoms, burrata, the flavors were near perfect. There are a pair of orange clogs waiting in the wings in case Mario decides to show up, but given his hatred of this city, I doubt that will happen for a while.

I'm sure I have gained several pounds in this process of eating my way through the city, yet...I bought a bathing suit. Odd. I'm an enigma. You never know what I'm going to do next.

Click here for Mozza food pics.

Jack Handey: I drove to a burned-out warehouse. "Oh no, DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think it was a pretty good joke.

So yes. Although we live just 30 minutes away, we 'vacationed' at Disneyland. Let me tell you - it's a brilliant plan. You get a room to go back to for naps and such, and no fighting traffic to get home while your feet are achy and your head is pounding. Best idea ever. Also, if you stay at the hotel you get to go in to the park a whole HOUR early before they open the gates to the public. This is worth the hotel cost, cause you can just walk onto rides without waiting. HEAVEN. It was a great trip and being alone with the boys made me love and appreciate them that much more. (Hello mommy-bloggish-love-crap). Let me break it down:

Highs: We were excited about the whole hour early thing cause the kids wanted to ride the new Nemo Submarines which always has a long wait.
Lows: The park opened at 8. We got in at 7:25. The line to Nemo? ALREADY A TWO HOUR WAIT. What the f* people?? Needless to say, the kids are Nemo-less and will grow up just fine. With a sane mommy, at that.
Highs: My kids were on excellent behavior. There was no yelling or crying, and I mean by me of course. Everything went smoothly.
Lows: Other people's kids are real dickheads.

Highs: I ate A LOT. We only had one meal of crappy park food and I put an end to that immediately. I could write you a whole list of 'good' adult eating places, but there are other sites that do that. Including a nice lunch at the Blue Bayou, which is the restaurant inside of the Pirates of the Carribean.
Lows: I didn't get ANY pink cotton candy. Which is my only desire in life. And I was sad. Very very sad.
Highs: The Kid went on his very first roller coaster. Man, he's getting old.
Lows: I threw up after he made me go on the teacups. Man, I'm getting old.

Highs: Sure the Kid had a fever, but I kept it under control and kept him hydrated and in the shade as much as possible. He ended up having an excellent time in spite of it all.
Lows: I saw a turkey leg vendor pass out due to heat exhaustion. This could actually be considered a high too, cause you haven't lived til you've seen that.

Although I am biased, I have to say, Disney is the best. They really go to great lengths to make sure that you feel like you are in a another world and completely caught up in the fantasy. If you can get past the consumerism and the 'selling-out' of it all, you can see what Walt Disney was trying to strive for - a little place full of dreams. Oh, and it's clean. Good lord. I have visited and designed many theme parks in my life, and lemme tell you - Disney does it right. All the service areas are well hidden, the ground is spotless, that's the fantasy world I'd like to live in. If only the same thing could be done to my living room...

See all the vacation pictures...HERE.

Hey Oscar, how was your...'gay'cation??

Back from the mini-vacation. It was swell. I have lots to talk about but first...no vacation can go off without a hitch, right? Right?? Maybe just my vacations. BOO!

The night before the big trip, a very special ER visit starring the Kid and me. Featuring: High Fever and irritated genitalia. (I am still talking about the Kid, not me, thanks for asking about my privates.)

It went well, and the Kid seemed better. Of course I was given strict instructions not to take him anywhere just so he could fully recover. Horrible mother that I am...I didn't listen. But hey, when you PROMISE a 3 year old something? They never forget. NEVER. So. We went on our two day trip. More on that later...

Well, the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun, and the first one said to the second one there I hope you're having fun.

Still packing. Most important on the pack list is Haha, of course. I can understand, cause when I was little, I had a little stuffed animal I was very attached to as well. It was a little dog named Henry, who, to this day, sits to the left of my bed. I always thought, that if there was a fire or an emergency, he'd be the first thing I'd grab.

Nowadays, I'd say the kids (obviously) and my cellphone would be the first thing I'd take. And maybe some clean underwear. I have a thing about clean underwear. Is there anything else I'd need? What would you grab in an emergency before you rushed out?

Flickr Friday

I was going through my flickr tags for 'ice cream' (damn, I have a lot) and found this old picture. Aw. I love that shirt. I also realized...I have a lot of shirts. Note to self: Eat less ice cream so that I can fit into shirts.

For now, rest well and dream of large women.

Something weird happened to me in San Diego at the Con. Twice. I sat down...and passed out, cold. I didn't wake up dishevelled and in a stranger's bed `a la Robert Downey Jr., however I did wake up with a jolt and was surrounded by nerds. Hm. Just as scary? Who knows. In any case, it was a little disconcerting as I wondered what the hell.

The first time that ever happened to me I was in 8th grade honors History and I was sleeping so soundly my head was on my desk and my teacher had to shake me awake. I remember that being the beginning of the end, because ever since then, it happens just like that. Outta nowhere.

Narcolepsy? I doubt it. It happens maybe once a year. Gay sleep disorder? Nah. I can only assume it comes from complete and total exhaustion that finally catches me and forces me to take a break. I just hope this doesn't happen when I'm on the 405.

Leave your baggage behind, you won't need it tonight, enjoy your flight

The Kid asked me, "Why don't cows use the toilet?" My answer? "Because they are disgusting."

The kids and I are going away for a few days to an undisclosed location. I need to pack for the three of us, so I asked the Kid to help me out. I told him to tell me only the necessities that he, the Baby and I would need:
Hm. Not your typical travel items. Wherever we end up we will be naked but have plenty of toys and snacks.