When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go...

I love walking on streets. Not sidewalks, mind you, but the asphalt streets that cars drive on. Obviously, one cannot do this without being hit by a car - therefore, bring on the street fair! It's the architect in me. I love to walk by the buildings we take for granted driving by everyday. It's no secret that I am a huge fan of downtown. This weekend was the Grand Avenue Festival - showcasing the best of the downtown arts, culture and food. I was thrilled to be able to show the kids what I love most about downtown L.A., all in one place!

First off, the food was great, little bites from some of my fave restaurants, and I don't even have to drive to them. Delicious chicken w/mole sauce and salsa from Ciudad, my favorite garlic fries from Pinot. The Kid chomped on some asian style ribs and had strawberry fondue. All good. They also had free tickets to the Disney concert hall and discounted tickets to Avenue Q, but the kids were too busy taking in all the arts and crafts. Paint your own cultural masks! Make your own styrofoam lizards! Make your own drum! (god help me.)

Yes, I like to dress my Kid as a 1940's convict.

I also got to stroll through my favorite museum, MOCA. I visit museums a lot, but that is the only one that I have a membership to. It has a special place in my heart and I go there as often as I can. Granted, the art in there is definitely not for kids, but they had fun traipsing through the exhibits just the same. "Look Mommy, a...stool?" Yep. A stool. That's art, baby!

It was a fun day, but HOT. Hey man, I thought it was winter! As always, the heat got the better of me and I was laid out with a migraine for the rest of the afternoon. Sandwiching my head between two pillows to keep out the light, in between vomiting and near crying, it was all worth it cause damn that chicken mole was good.

Dreams come true, in Blue Hawaii

Finally my Hawaii photos are up. While I think taking pictures of your food is stupid, you wouldn't know it from all my pictures...of food. So lame. Click here for the full set.

So I have flaws. I sing in the shower. I volunteer too much. I hit someone with my car.

Being a working mom sucks. I had to duck out of a super important client meeting this afternoon to take the Kid to an emergency doctor's appt. Which is more important, this job or my Kid's life? The answer is obvious but the guilt on both sides is still gut-wrenching. (p.s. The Kid is still alive, hooray!)

The only thing to lift my spirits was the Office premiere...tonight!Ah, Thursday night recaps are back. Nanners and I joked that she should cancel her trip to Italy. Now if we had another visit to the Office set, I bet she would consider it! Yes, we are crazy.

Now THAT episode was worth waiting for. There will be so many merchandising opportunities from this one show. You know that rabies bracelets will be for sale any day now. Probably followed by those fun run t-shirts. The PB&J - Pam+Jim thing was too cute. I am very happy with new 'in love' chemistry, I just hope it doesn't run it course. I'm sure Michael's heatstroke thing was real because it's goddam hot in the Valley, no acting required.

My one gripe - which happens every season, when I watch the shows live, is that I have to endure these god awful commercials. Let me tell you, God invented tivo so that I would not have to watch a patty melt jiggle. Cause frankly, that makes me want to vomit. Also I do not need to know about a pill that makes my period only last 3 days yet will cause me blood clots and possible heart attacks. Um, I'll just take my period like regular...sans the death part, thanks.

Here's what the Office was up to this summer. I can't wait for next week, whee!

I'm sending you back. Back...to the future!

Time travel's a bitch, yo. I don't know how Marty McFly ever did it. The boys didn't acclimate to the time change until, you guessed it, our last day there. Making today crank-tastic, but I just shoved them in school and yelled, "SEE YA WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA." Not really, but that would have made for good times.

If I did have a time machine would I want to go back in time, or see the future? Both seem pretty awful. I think I'd rather stay in the now. Or at least back to two hours ago, so I would have remembered to put my clothes in the dryer. Crap.

We met up with some friends at Moanalua Gardens. It's beautiful there and not so hot in the shade, thank god. We had a picnic and hung out by the koi pond. Here is a picture of the Baby - he could be doing one of two things, feeding the fish or attempting to jump in and swim. You never know with him.

If I was to caption this photo it'd be:
"YO. I am going to punch the crap outta you fishies!"
He's tough like that.

My home is where the heart isSweet to surrender to you only

If today was the first day of school, and I had to give a report on my summer vacation (aka the last 6 days) the list of things we did would go like this:

1. Sweated a lot.
2. Ate shave ice 4 times.
3. Took the Kid to the ER. (Let's not talk about that.)
4. Ate a bite of a $132 piece of Kobe steak. (More on that later.)
5. Got drunk and puked in a friend's toilet. I didn't get drunk but I do feel bad about his toilet.
6. Drove all the way to Kailua to eat the world's greatest pancakes. (Worth it.)
7. Saw friends I only see about once a year.
8. Didn't spend much time with my children.
9. Burned my tongue or something because now it's numb. I am seriously paranoid that my tongue will never be the same again.
10. Bought underwear.
11. Thought for sure I gained 20 pounds but turned out it was only 1.
12. Didn't go to the beach once.

It was nice to be gone, but SO nice to sleep in my own bed. Too tired to load the 111 pictures I took, but here's one. The Kid is seriously concerned about safety.

Lucha Kitty!

Lucha Kitty!, originally uploaded by justjenn.

Of course there were beautiful things to see in Hawaii, but man, this was the best...LUCHA KITTY!! Awesome!

Bag it

A few weeks ago Martha Stewart did an ALL HANDBAG show. Damn you Martha Stewart, damn you to hell! Purses (and shoes) are my weakness. You can buy them no matter what size you are. So what if I can't fit my fat a$$ into that size 0 dress, at least I can carry a fabulous purse.

I have friends who only buy cheap ones - lots of them. Then I have friends who won't buy a purse unless it's over $500. Me - I'm particular. Whether it's a $2 tote or an expensive carry-all, it takes me months to consider a purchase. The handbag has to be the right size, serve the right function and be structurally comfortable.

Check this out. Take a look at my purse compared to my SIL's. First off, the size of hers. WTF? I can't get a handful of peas, let alone my wallet into that thing.

Let's look inside her insanely small LV bag. If I were to psychoanalyze it, I'd say her life is free and easygoing, since all she needs is a phone and a wallet. But let's not go there, cause if you look at what I carry around...
...this is why I get migraines. Physical and mental ones. Ugh. I didn't even realize I had that much crap til I poured it out all over the floor.

I am on the verge of buying a new purse, but it has to be perfect. I have searched stores, magazines and the internet. So far nothing has fit all my requirements. While I think purses like my SIL's are very cute, my life is far too complicated to carry something that small. Do I need a new purse or a new life? Hm.

Click on the pictures for details - better pictures to be updated, later.

spam, spam, spam, spam

spam for sale, originally uploaded by justjenn.

Hello Calpico!

Hello Calpico!, originally uploaded by justjenn.

Oodles of noodles

udon, originally uploaded by justjenn.

Grilled Mochi!!

That's HOTT.

Shave ice o' the day: Fruit Punch w/ice cream*

The plane ride was disasterous...and NOT because of my kids, ha! No, the 8 year old who sat in front of us screamed the ENTIRE DESCENT until we hit the runway. If the kid had a disorder that'd be one thing, but no, she just had a-hole parents. Thanks for ruining our flight. And here I was trying to make sure my kids were on their best behaviour. And they were...except when that kid had her fit, the Baby thought it'd be damn hilarious to mock her. (It kind of was. Doh.)

I have already begun my one shave ice a day routine (see flavor above) and there is a fresh Zippy's Napple sitting next to me. I will be 20 pounds fatter by the time I get home.

Oh the best part - finding out that my inlaws installed an A/C in our room. I stayed in there for four hours straight.
"Mommy, come play!"
"Can't. A/C."
"Mommy, come eat lunch."
"Sorry. A/C."
"Mommy come see my new toy!"
"Hello...A/C."
It wasn't that bad but man, what a difference. I no longer mind coming here. Shave ice + A/C = happy Jenn.

*Yes I have my laptop with me, I'm supposed to be working on some things. Clearly, I'm not.

Dynamic duos

Working part time is hard. Hard on the company, hard on my kids. You know what's harder? Getting that fresh Baby vomit smell out of your hair. I need some "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific." Hello 1977. They should update that to be called "Gee You Hair Smells Phat, Yo."

My boys will be dressed as a famous duo this Halloween. Ah, but which one?

Ernie & Bert
Batman & Robin
Dr. Dre & Ed Lover
Peter Pan & Captain Hook
Spock & Kirk
Harold & Kumar
Woody & Buzz
Tupac & Biggie
Han Solo & Chewbacca
Simon & Garfunkel
Fish & chips
Corey Haim & Corey Feldman

I am open to suggestions, any other themed pairs I should consider?

Boo!

Riddle me this: What kind of day starts with me crying in my office, to me covered in Baby vomit from head to toe? Answer: A spectacularly bad one! Yay...sob. Let's just say that trip we were supposed to take? May not happen after all. Sick Baby = horrific plane ride.

Damn, I really was hoping for a good week, honest. One nice thing was seeing the lots getting ready for pumpkin patches. I love trudging through the mucky hay to pick out a cute little round pumpkin. My new gift tags came in today too, which made me feel even more fall-like.

They make me want to bake something very pumpkin-y. But what? A pie? A cake roll? Pumpkin muffins? Mmm...I just can't decide. Anything that will cure crying or vomiting will do nicely.

Halloweenie tags, HERE.

Sweet Toof

Eight motherf*ing cavities. (All little tiny ones between the teeth.) That's what the Kid has. Mostly due to tiny tight teeth and apple juice. Apple juice is from the devil, obviously. He brushes his teeth after every meal, and flosses now and again, yet I feel like the worst mother in the world. You try wrestling a 3 year old down and flossing their back teeth. However he did GREAT for the dentist, and sat perfectly still for the cleaning. Yay Kid.

Yet, and how do you like this - the dentist ALSO said to give him ice cream everyday, just like his doctor! Are these guys buying stock in Haagen Daaz or what?? They say it's easier to wash off than sticky stuff. I am going to just buy him a blingin' grill and that be that.

Speaking of sweet, I made Three Color Mochi today. It was delicious, but the color combo kind of annoys me. It seems like the Mexican flag or something. I need to think of a different combo. Maybe red-white-red? Dunno. It's good stuff, let me tell you, and very very easy.

Yes, the Kid will be eating this SPARINGLY. Three Color Mochi recipe, HERE.

Not even pets?

Happy Birthday, cupcake!

New, cupcake birthday tags. Shown HERE on a mini bag.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

I am taking tomorrow off and so is the Kid. He is pretty sick and has a series of doctor's appts. He asked what we are going to do on our 'day off'. Oh, let's see...early morning dentist appointment (the first of his little life!) Then, off to Target! Then the post office! Yay...going to the allergist to be poked and prodded! Then the drycleaners! Maybe if you're lucky you can come with Mommy to get her hair cut!

That's how I presented it anyway. With that much enthusiasm. I think I oversold it, as he is now telling people excitedly that he is going to have a super fun day with Mommy tomorrow. Crap. Just wait til he finds out it's mostly shots and errands. I think I better do something fun fo' real, so he isn't totally disappointed.

The Kid has been very sick lately, so to lift his spirits, lately I've been making him milkshakes. Every freakin' day. The doctor said any way he gets calcium is fine. Be it yogurt, cheese or ICE CREAM MILKSHAKES. Damn her for saying that out loud cause now he's all, "The doctor said I need milkshakes." Yeah, yeah.

Here is my basic milkshake recipe, along with some nice add-ins.

S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G

I bought:



Never As Bad As You Think - Stuart Immonen Illustration
I am a huge fan of Stuart Immonen's work. I wish I looked like the women he draws.

I am going to buy:


A Year in the Wilderness - John Doe
I loved X. And this album sounds all kinds of moody and pensive, that I have been feeling lately.

I want to buy:


Metallic leather/suede pumps - Dolce & Gabbana
I love heels, but then I'd have to show them off by wearing them like this picture and that just seems uncomfortable.

I will NOT buy:


Hip Hop Toddler costume - Oriental Trading
Hey, I love rap, but I don't think I want a mini-gangsta running around the house promising to pop a cap in my ass.

Life is so strange. Destination unknown. When you don't know. Your destination.

I am packing to take the boys on a trip. We will be riding on a plane. I have a master plan to make this a perfect situation. Honest.

Hour one: DVD player. Thomas, Barney, whatever will capture your little brain's attention, I will give it to you.

Hour two: Snacks/Food. For the Baby, this will work for the full hour. For the Kid, two bites and he's over it. This is why they weigh the same.

Hour three: Naptime. We're talking for ME, here.

Hour four: Toys. Coloring books, thomas trains, puzzles, I got 'em all in my carry on.

Hour five: CANDY. Say what you will, I just need to get this plane to the gate, and a mouthful of candy should make for an easier taxi down the runway.

I know that when I board, I will get 'that look' from the childless couple, not the nice childless couple, but the jerk ones who give you the eyeroll. Let me tell you, my kids are 100 times better behaved than your little heathens will be if/when you decide to procreate. I'm doing my best and if you don't like it, you can stick your Sky Mall catalog up your a$$. This ain't no picnic for me either.

Drank too much, and I said too much, and there's no way to go but down

Life is full of hard knocks. At only 3.75 years old, the Kid has already learned this.

Life sucks - lesson #1: Losing
We played a board (bored) game and I won. The Kid was sad. I told him, 'remember on Yo Gabba Gabba when Foofa lost, and they said, "It's ok, you don't have to win all the time?"' Granted, that was after I yelled, "WHOHOO, I WON, IN YO' FACE, KID." Yes, I realize that I just forfeited my nomination for mother of the year.

Life sucks - lesson #2: Disappointment
Taking the kids to Disneyland after 4pm is a brilliant idea for passholders. Great weather, no waiting in line. However, one should make SURE that your kid's favorite ride...is working. Damn them, they closed down Casey Jr. Circus Train. Every one of our visits begins with this ride, and I we stood in front of the boarded up ride until the Kid realized that Casey was indeed, down for the count.
Life sucks - lesson #3: Allergic to chocolate
Much like vegans, my Kid can't have chocolate. Except when he eats it, he doesn't feel the pain of a 1000 dead animals, he gets horrible hives and there is rampant itchiness. Usually the no-chocolate thing isn't a big deal. Until a birthday party, or a special dessert comes up. Then it's kinda sad.

So I came up with these cookies for him - they look chocolaty, but don't be fooled, it's only cocoa (which his body takes just fine). Also it is FULL of white chocolate chips - which is not chocolate at all, and I find disgusting - but he just loves. For him, it makes his little no-chocolate existence worth living after all.

The recipe actually does contain chocolate chips, I just modified it just for him. Even better, I made ice cream sandwiches out of them. See, I'm not such the bad mother after all. It was just the unsportsmanlike conduct that kept me out of the running for Best Mom Ever.

White Chocolate Chocolate cookie recipe, HERE.

I've got this feeling down deep in my soul that I just can't lose. Guess I'm on my way.

Things I learned this weekend:

1. Puff Sleeve Dresses from Target fit perfectly and are SO comfortable. I am thinking I should buy one in every color.

2. I should probably throw out my maternity underwear. Everyday I look at them and think, 'Man, those look comfortable...but I'm not pregnant....but so...comfortable...'

3. Even though I hate violence, Shoot 'Em Up is a fantastic movie. I laughed the entire time - when I wasn't shielding my eyes from the bloody violence.

4. I need to carry a pat of butter with me at all times. The Baby is destined to wedge his head between something. I spent most of the weekend yelling, "DON'T YOU DARE PUT YOUR HEAD IN THERE."

Knit happens.

I don't knit and I never will. I have people to do that for me. But if I did - this is what I would aspire to.
Many more amazing things*, here.
(*Like Shaun of the Dead!!)

Letter to O.G.

Oh, and this boy - would be happy, just to love you, but oh my, that boy - won't be happy, till he's seen you cry

When I went to daycare the other day, the director saw me and said, "Wow. I never realized...how COMPLETELY OPPOSITE YOUR BOYS ARE." Uh. Ok. You don't need to put the emphasis on the word opposite, I GET IT. You never know what's going to come tumbling out of your vagina*. Will it be a good kid, a bad kid, a smart kid, who knows? These things I know about my kids:

The Kid: Insanely smart. Say any letter to him and he will rattle off a list of words that start with that letter. Loves to help cook and organize the house. He can also recite song lyrics on cue and can give you directions to the nearest Starbucks. His brainpower frightens and confuses me.

The Baby: He is in training to be a competitive eater. He has the strength of an ant. I once saw him lift a toy train that was larger than him - above his head - and smash it into the Kid's forehead. Awesome strength, this one.

If I could harness the power of these two into one superpowerful kid? I could rule the...well, I'd only have to pay for one child at daycare...It'd take me half the time to get in and out of the car... There'd be no fighting as to what to watch on tv (Elmo or Thomas)... I'd only have to buy one pair of light up tennis shoes...

*Tumbling Out of My Vagina, coincidentally my new band name.

I stood there beside myself, thinking hard about the weather

Ok, what? All that complaining and overnight it's freakin' freezing out here. I'm sure this won't last, but when I went to bed it was summer in Hades and then this morning I wished I was clad in fleece pjs and had some cocoa. I was actually shivering last night. Odd.

Weather is a funny thing is SoCal. It's all we talk about. I am about to start construction on a major project and our big concern? Weather. We had a design charrette to deal with our harshest of seasons. Winter is coming, after all, and we may dip down into the FIFTIES. HA! I know the east coasters are standing with pitchforks ready to attack, but hey, it might sprinkle for a few days too, then we're all sh*t out of luck.

I wanted to bake this weekend but the thought of turning on the oven made me want to faint. Now that it's cold I might be able to strike a happy medium with these Brownie Ice Cream Bars.

Ice cream relieves all pain, and baking brownies is a great reminder of the cold weather that I am anticipating. I am already preparing my L.A. fall weather uniform - a tank top and scarf.

Brownie Ice Cream Bars recipe, HERE.

Angela: No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer. Michael: That sucks. Great. Wow. That's good timing.

To keep my mind off the heat this weekend I became obsessed with planning the kid's birthdays. You know me, I LOVE to theme out the parties and I like to plan months in advance. So with the Baby's birthday is coming up, I need to find a theme. However, now that the kids are older, and er, more opinionated (who taught them that??) they get to have their say too. I'm not sure what way to go with the Baby's birthday but there are two things I hate where I will definitely put my foot down - No Elmo. No Spongebob.

Here is a list of things that the Baby LOVES:

1. Animals. He is obsessed with these pig cups, lately. I could go with an animal theme but it seems boring.

2. Food. The Baby will kick your ass in an eating contest. It's amazing how much he can pack away. And once he's done with his food, he'll go after yours.

3. Wolverine. Not the animal, the Marvel character. Although doing a bday themed around wolverine the animal would be hilarious. Guests would be like, WTF?? No, he loves X-Men Wolverine. This mini version. He carries him everywhere and even puts him to 'ne-ne' (sleep) in a little box. It's cute, but weird since Wolverine has those sharp claws. Eh, killing machine, kid's comfort toy, what's the diff?

4. Yo Gabba Gabba. Not much I can do with this, but the Baby loves this show. Especially Biz Markie's Beat of the Day. You should hear him attempt beatboxing - it's HIGHLARIOUS.

5. Fine. Elmo. ~sigh~ I really can't stand Elmo. I'm just saying, I grew up in an Elmo-less Sesame Street world and I was happy about it.

Hm. I need to pick something quick so I can start designing. What would you do? Any suggestions? Visions of a clawed beatboxing Elmo are clouding my brain. It must be the heat.

Will there ever be a boy who can swim faster than a shark?

Yes, you've heard. It's hot. Scorching in fact. It's so hot we went to Target twice today just to get out of the heat. An Icee+popcorn is only $1.20. Terribly unhealthy, terribly satisfying. It was near 100 where we live, therefore the Valley must have been close to Hades. The difference is they have A/C out there while we at the beach do not. Phooey.

It was so hot last night, the Kid and I slept on the floor next to an open door, in hopes of catching a breeze. He thought we were having a slumber party and thought it was fantastic - my back is saying otherwise. I was considering going out and sleeping on the lawn outside, but it might look unseemly to the neighbors.
When the boys woke up at 6am, it was already in the 80s. We had to get out of the house. I decided that our trip of the day was going to be to the Aquarium of the Pacific. Unfortunately, everyone else had the same idea. It was damn crowded, however we got a pretty darn good BBQ lunch at their first annual Labor Day Picnic. Ribs, tri tip, chicken, hot dogs, beans, salad, spicy chipotle potato salad, slaw, pies, roasted corn and aguas frescas. Sooo good.

I hate to say it, but I can't wait to go to work tomorrow. All A/C all the time, baby. The thought makes me giddy.

...leaving behind only this glass slipper.

Oh...
I am going to New York.

Balls of fury