Frog in your throat?

During the week I make the kids breakfast but I don't have time to sit down with them. I am running around getting ready for work, getting their stuff ready for school and usually vacuuming and mopping the floor. (I do this every morning and every night. I hate crumbs.) Thank god for siblings. Before I had the Baby I had to sit there next to the Kid for EVERY meal. Now the two of them entertain and take care of each other. I highly recommend having two kids, you really get a lot more done.

On the weekends it's a different story. We have more time. The Kid likes to look through my cookbooks and pick out what he wants to eat. He ran across a picture of Frog in the Hole, not to be confused with Toad in the Hole.

Side note, the Baby, who honest - has really good pronunciation and is quite talkative for a 2 year old, he likes to say things...differently. Like when he insisted this guy's name was Hermik. Could not figure out what the hell the kid was saying, for the life of me.

Along with Frog in the hole, the boys are also found of my yogurt 'faces'. The coffee is for me.

If we don't have one of our 'big weekends' planned, then we do the usual, errands and head to Target where even more snacky goodness awaits us...

Frog in the Hole recipe, HERE.

Designers? Gather 'round please.

Design, design, design

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You know that Brady Bunch episode where the client wants Mike to make her a building in the shape of a powder puff? Yeah. That's the nightmare I'm living right now. As an architect, I feel like crap having to work on something I don't believe in aesthetically nor do I think I can build. Yet I have to. Slavery sucks.

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Oh my. Tokidoki + Hello Kitty? I may have died and gone to kawaii heaven.

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Stop the presses, I got press! The book I designed, Kid Emo & Grr Baby, got a nice write up at Parentdish. Thanks Angie! Apparently it is enjoyable for kids as well as adults. Who knew?

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I have been wanting new soup bowls for some time. Since I had a gift card in my possession (I tend to hold onto those things for years), I went for the double handled soup bowls from Williams Sonoma. God, they are worth the price. Sturdy, gorgeous, and they come with plate that can be used as a charger or a side plate. My only complaint, they don't stack well, and that pisses me off. Good design should be thought through completely. Oh well. They are lovely anyway. I need a giant one so I can bathe in it.

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Would you call this bad design or just disgusting? The Nosefrida, a baby aspirator - you put one end in the baby's nose and the other end? Well in your mouth to suck out the gunk, of course. Excuse me while I vomit now, thanks.

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Now for the real question, who should win Project Runway? I still like Christian, even though Jillian proved that with enough time, she can make some amazing things. But really, is this an industry for slow ass motherf*ers? I am just glad we won't be seeing human hair on the runway. Ew.

"Equinsu ocha. Equinsu ocha." "Let me guess, White Devil, White Devil?"

Sometimes you do things that go against all your morals and beliefs. Today was one of those days. There are many things I hate: polka dots, mayonnaise, Owen Wilson, but one that is also at the top of the list is shortening aka Crisco.

Just looking at that white paste actually makes me gag. It's so overly processed and so not good for you. Granted they've changed it to not contain transfats, but don't believe the hype, I avoid the stuff when at all possible. Don't even scroll down to 'non-cooking uses'. UGH - nasty. The only time I ever break down and use it is for pie crusts. You gotta give it to the white vomit paste, it gives you one goddam flaky crust, no doubt.

I've been going through my pantry and trying to clear out what's there by coming up with new usable recipes. I always have a can of an - sweetened red azuki beans in there, so instead of mochi, where I usually use it, I decided to make a little cookie to go around it. This recipe has been around for a while, but I wanted to make it a little more...tasty? Than what I've had before.

Due to the (gag) shortening, they came out like little flaky pies of tasty goodness. Of course the cookie to sweet bean ratio is key. Now if you don't care for sweet azuki bean, I know some people reading may not be asian and are like "WTF BEANS?? DISGUSTING." (it's pretty good actually) So you can always use strawberry jam as a substitute, I still say, give beans a chance.

And so it with a heavy heart - literally cause that shit will stop you dead - that I give you this really tasty recipe. Sure you can leave out the shortening, but it WILL make a difference. sigh. I am weeping now.

An cookie recipe, HERE.

They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise

You know how I am starting an all female gang? Applications currently being accepted, submit your resume or portfolio, cooking and design skills not a requirement but a plus.

Well we'd probably wear pink satin jackets emblazoned with our gang name on the back and have our gang nicknames stitched on the front. We'd also carry these -

...pink knives with a pink blade with it's own pink sheath. For stabbing people. Or for cutting up strawberries, whatever.

Jigga what? Gangstas don't cook? Wanna bet?

You go to Jupiter, to get more stupider

Taking care of two kids by myself is a pain in the ass. So sometimes I break down and call in the reinforcements. That'd be O.G. Sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth. Still, I can't complain about a woman who brings me pie. Not pie that she's made, are you mad? I don't think I've ever seen the woman bake. She always made ME bake for HER, and still does. I remember being around 10 years old and being very accusatory and saying 'what kind of Grandma doesn't bake??'

So to return the favor of her watching one kid while I bathe the other (really - it's hard), I always try to make her dinner. I was showing O.G. my collection of cookbooks:

O.G.: "Nigella...is she from Niger?"
Jenn: "WHAT. Uh - NO, crazy."
O.G.: "Cause I had a friend named Utanna from Utah."
Jenn: "Hello, that obviously doesn't apply to everyone."
O.G.: "Yuri's son was born in the Rocky Mountains. GUESS WHAT HIS NAME WAS."
Jenn: "Ugh. I'm gonna go for...ROCKY???"
O.G.: "Yes!!"
Jenn: "Did you have a friend named Jupy from Jupiter too??"
O.G.: "That's ridiculous, I don't know anyone from outer space."
Jenn: "Yeah, right."

Crazy ass. So I made Nigella's Maple glazed chicken and ribs. I adjusted the recipe a bit and since O.G. - she hates the poultry, so I nixed the chicken.

Lemme tell you, Nigella's recipe is whack, yo. Her timing is all crazy - with all that maple syrup it's obvious that these ribs will burn like a motherf*er. Knowing this, I checked early and I nearly did...burn them. NEARLY. Luckily I like mine a little crispy so they came out perfect, but if I followed her recipe I would have had a stack of burnt bones. Once adjusted, it came out really good and flavorful.
Nigella's original recipe can be found in Nigella Express, but my new and improved recipe can be found HERE. Maybe next I'll make O.G. one of Emeril's recipes. Emeril from Emeryville.

Dip, baby, dip

I am making cookies for a party and I can't decide. Should I make lemon cookies, or ginger spice cookies? I don't know why those two are stuck in my mind, I just know I don't want to do chocolate (with the Kid allergic and all). Or something totally different? Hm. I need help.

With STORMWATCH all up in this mug, I only have a small window of opportunity to get in our weekend outings before the rainstorms. This Saturday we headed to downtown - again - since I love it so. I took the boys to Philippe's - the king of the French dipped sandwiches.
We got there at 11am, which is perfect cause that place is a NIGHTMARE at lunch rush hour. The thing about Philippe's is, you have to wait. No matter WHO you are. Celebrities, lawyers, and bums like us, all have to wait like commoners in line for our turn. And sometimes there is yelling. Like when we were there. Jesus Christ, it's just a sandwich people, chill out, you're scaring my children.

Grabbing a seat on the stools and tables, we filled ourselves with french dipped sandwiches, side salads, 70 cent lemonade and 9 cent coffee. Yes. 9 cents.

I should have taken a picture of the food, but frankly, we were starving and there was no time. If I could walk we would have taken a stroll down to Union Station to see the trains.

Instead we drove down to J-town town for snack-y desserts. We stopped to watch them make fresh imagawayaki (I can't say that word unless I do it real slow) which is a warm fresh pancake with sweet red bean inside - $1. The Kid like the pancake, the Baby likes the bean. Go figure. And we just HAD to have a little mochi ice cream - 80 cents.

Sure gas prices here in L.A. are soaring as much as 2 cents a day, but as far as food? A deliciously CHEAP day all in all.

P.S. My foot still hurts.

Open your heart to me, baby, I've got the lock and you've got the key

Heart cookies.
Vanilla ice cream.
Raspberry sorbet.
Yum.

She wore lemon, to color in the cold grey night

Having a broken unusable foot sucks, in case you were wondering. Since I can't go out to get food, I headed to the kitchen. Sure, I'm supposed to be off my feet, but dammit, I'm hungry. I need one of those wheelie chairs, but just for my feet, the ones dogs use when they have broken hind legs. That's be great. Or maybe just a robot dog to carry my foot around. Awesome.

I like muffins/cupcakes purely because they are little individual servings. One little cup, just for me? Aw, you shouldn't have. I went through my baking supplies and found these little scalloped yellow paper cups that I had bought at a candy supply store a while ago. I bought them just because they were so pretty. The yellow made me think of lemon, which I just happened to have, so instantly the thought of fluffy little lemon cakes filled my mind.

It was like Cirque du Soleil up in my kitchen because I was on one foot, hopping around. Probably not the best idea, but what can I say. Usually when I cook or bake, I have a recipe, that I loosely follow, depending on my mood. Today I didn't have any recipe, I just kind of made it work. Still I wrote it down along the way, so I could make it again. Standing on one leg is not a part of the recipe, by the way.

I feel antsy when I am at home, and not at work. Like I should make the most of my free day. Instead I just surfed the net and made muffins. Phooey. If it wasn't for this sore foot I'd be running a marathon right now. Yeah right. I'd still surf the net and bake, foot or no. Ha.
While I was up, I made some cheesy ham and olive muffins for the boys, but I'll save that for another day. For now, this pegleg is going to rest. And eat cake. Mmm.



Little Lemon Cakes recipe, HERE.

I've fallen and I can't get up

SAY WHAT?
1. Martha Stewart has some seriously DIFFICULT recipes. Check this one out.

2. There will be a Smurfs movie. How timely.

3. Oh, In & Out. You disgust me. But I still look for your religious messages on your paper cups because it amuses me.

4. And the most 'say what' of all...

Yeah. So I went to Whole Foods this morning to buy the Baby some oranges (the way he's been screaming for them you'd think the boy had scurvy) and get myself some breakfast. Whole Foods has a breakfast bar which has some awesome chilaquiles. As I headed for the oranges, I blacked out and BAM - there I was on the floor with the wind knocked out of me. It's been raining here in SoCal, you see, and that coupled with an already slippery floor (Whole Foods must be overkilling on the wax), well I guess I lost my footing.

There was no one around to help me and goddam I was in a lot of pain. I felt like that old lady from the Life Alert commercial, only I was not old and having a heart attack - I was down on the produce aisle of a high end food store. I was on the ground for a good ten minutes. I finally grabbed the edge of the orange crates and pulled myself up. Still no one in sight. The store is a ghost town before 8am. I stood up, and did my best to shake it off. I even went to work. Cut to three hours later and wouldn't you know it, I couldn't walk. Hello hospital. SIGH.

I am not that clumsy and never fall. Considering I usually wear high heels, I rarely even trip! But this, this was not good. Yes I was wearing my heeled boots, but that wasn't the problem. The floor was wet. Sadly the first thing that came into my mind was, THERE'S NO WAY THEY ARE CUTTING THESE BOOTS OFF OF ME. MUST SAVE BOOTS!!

It's just a sprained foot thank god, and it's feeling better already, but still. I have never had crutches. Sure, I could sue Whole Foods but what would I do with a lifetime supply of hemp related products? No thanks. My consolation for the pain? Those were some damn good chilaquiles.

You have a son. It is me.

So the Kid does NOT have a parasite. Which is disappointing because I wanted to say, "Whaddya got a bug up your ass? Oops. My bad." I am an excellent mother. Turns out he just has a prolonged case of "Toddler's Diarrhea". Must be like 'traveler's diarrhea' without the luggage.

On that note I guess I can reveal a project that's ready for release. I've been working on this concept for over a year, then finally started writing and drawing up my sketches. All that lead to:

Initially I just drew the pictures to amuse the kids. Then I started incorporating their real life adventures, some of which you read here on the blog. You know, the Kid - always worried, the Baby - fun loving, but with punching. I ended up with 28 full color pages of comic strips. Hard to believe.

Remember when the Baby popped his elbow out?
Here's an excerpt, click to enlarge:
Get "The adventures of Kid Emo & Grr Baby", HERE.
And none of it even includes poop. Disappointing, I know, but hey, there's always the sequel.

Come anytime - you're going blind - or you're seeing double

This weekend by the numbers:
Number of trains I rode this weekend: 3
Number of times we ate out: too many if you ask me
Batches of muffins I made: 3
How many times I lost my temper with the kids: 0 (yay me!)
How many times I was peed on: 1
Number of times people asked if the boys were twins: 4

"Oh, what cute twins, how old are they -2?" I hear that EVERYTIME we go out. It's hilarious. They don't look alike and are two years and 4 inches apart. I'm sure it's my fault for dressing them alike, but it amuses me.

It was a good long weekend. I just let the kids do what they wanted to do and we got some errands done in the process. Oh and of course, did a lot of picking out treats at several bakeries. MY favorite pastime.
Today the boys and I hung out with a friend who has one kid and man, I remember those days. Thinking life was so hard - then the second one came and I yearned for the ease of those years. Two is definitely a challenge, but the good thing is, these boys - these TWINS - entertain each other. A built in playmate. With hugs. And sometimes punching. ~sigh~

I got to spend a lot of quality time with the boys, and it made me want to quit my job and just hang out with them all day...

...let's not get crazy.

Doing all of these activities this weekend was to wear the kids out, but I think it worked in reverse and I wore my own ass out. Now I need a vacation from my weekend.

See all the pictures, here.

Weekend of Fun - day two

There is a hell of a lot to do in this city.
Weekend of fun, con't - day 2:

Headed to Chinatown.

Ate Dim Sum.

Went to the Lego Store.
Damn, how badly do I want that Lego AT-AT?
Badly.

Rode a train.

Rode another train.

Made cinnamon muffins.
With a little help, of course.

Too pooped to party anymore.

Now we begin, DAY THREE...

Weekend of Fun - day one

Since it is a LOOONG weekend, I promised the kids we were going to do something FUN every day. Man, I really packed it in. I love this city and I like to make sure the kids experience every part of it. I'm kind of shocked at how many places we went on day one.

Here's our Saturday, in pictures:

Watched a monkey on the turntables.

Went to Juju's Cereal Bar.

Went to a kids day arts & crafts.

Went to Surfas and bought a ton of stuff - obviously FUN for me.
(I have big baking plans coming up...)

Went to the newly moved Allied Model Train store.

The old one was better.

Ate Japanese curry on Sawtelle and stopped by Giant Robot.

Of course there was napping in between. Mainly for my benefit.

Now I'm off to start day two of the long weekend of FUN with the boys. Wish us luck.

Thursday I don't care about you, it's Friday, I'm in love

Friday Faves:


1. The kids have been saying "NI HAO, NI HAO." Which is weird because we aren't Chinese. But they have been watching the new Nick Jr. show Ni Hao, Kai Lan, and it's pretty darn cute. She's like an asian Dora, and the kids are learning Chinese too. There's controversy about her being asian and having round eyes (oh brother, who cares.) but how can you be against a show that has a monkey named HoHo?? Or perhaps it's Jojo. And he's Spanish. HA.

2. I love Stella McCartney designs. And now she is joining forces with Le Sports Sac, the brand that brought us Tokidoki. I am drooling over her travel bags, but I believe I will have to sell my blood and first born to afford them. One very cause-worthy note is that she is a vegetarian and doesn't use leather in her designs, therefore the partnership with Le Sports Sac makes perfect sense. More than anything, anyone who has this as their home page, captures my nerdy heart immediately.


3. Barbara Kruger is one my favorite artists. In this L.A. Times article she 'shows us around' the new BCAM museum. The new museum is designed by Renzo Piano AND is full of contemporary art. A full floor dedicated to Richard Serra? Be still my heart. I can't wait to go.

4. One weekend we were out exploring and it just so happens, in desperate need of a haircut. I ran across the cutest little kids hair cutting salon, which yes, was pricey, but considering I've been shaving their heads myself for 4 years, what the hell, they might as well look a little better than usual for once. It was pretty awesome because you got to sit in a ROCKET SHIP and watch ANY TV PROGRAM YOU WANT!!
So cool. I wish there was a salon like that for adults, cause I'd totally sit in a rocket ship and watch Project Runway.
The Baby chose Elmo & Tina Fey on Sesame Street. Watch it here, for yourself.

This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop inSo very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice

That last post was not meant to be a 'woe is me' but more of a venting. I just get annoyed with the internet sometimes, and think writing about our boring lives is, well, boring to read. Maybe it's the weird sunny+rain that's going on around here. I hate that kind of weather. Be sunny. Or be rainy. If it's both you are just confusing me and my choice of footwear.

Knowing full well that I am on the edge of a stress knife, and that a good night's sleep would do me good, the Kid woke me up at 5am to go poop. Just great. He sat on the toilet while I laid on the ground just outside the bathroom door and closed my eyes. It's like we were drunk bastards with hangovers or something.

Since he got us up and extra hour early, what else would we do at 5am but make popsicles! Er, yeah. Normally I'd make them from scratch, in little dixie cups, but for Christmas, sko_G gave the boys these cool ROCKET POP MOLDS. Awesome. I've been wanting to use them and 5am seemed like the most opportune time. (No it did not.)

The Kid and I filled them some of them with yogurt, and some with Rainbow Sherbet that we had in the freezer. The Rainbow Sherbet made for some purty colors.

The Baby was of course, fast asleep during this whole process. He is the laziest monkey. He wakes up late and groggy every morning and his first words are always, "BREAKFAST." Sheesh. Whatever your highness.

Just think, if the Kid wakes me up at 3am tonight, we can make a full on turkey dinner! Ugh. Forget that. I think I better make him a Benadryl pop - that'll give Mommy a full night's rest.

Fruity pops recipe, HERE. Or just go to Baskin Robbins and buy some ice cream you lazy monkey.

Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can't get out

The stress of the past couple days has been getting to me. A fellow blogger keeps telling me that people blog for the 'look at me' factor. Meanwhile, I do my best to stay anonymous. I'd rather people didn't know my name or my face.

Today I was going to delete my flickr, my blogs, my - well, entire internet presence. No one knows who I am, they'll never find me! Who wants to read about the cake I just made anyway? Bo to the ring. I am moody like that. How moody am I? Apparently so much so that I ordered it as a side dish!

What the hell? Eventually I figured it out.

For now I am still on the internet. But still cranky. Nothing baking a batch of muffins can't fix. And yes, I'll blog about it. And we'll all be bored.

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top

There is poo on my counter. In a bag. UGH. Motherhood bites.

It's been 10 days and the Kid's JPs have not stopped. The doctor said, "I'm not really concerned, however, IT MIGHT BE A PARASITE." Sure, that's not extreme. I'm sure it will go away by itself tomorrow but I went for the stool sample just to be safe. How I got this was a story in itself, and there was no poo touching involved, but I won't bother you with those details here. Email me if you want to know the trick. You know, in case you need to get some poo. God.

And of course, whenever the kids are sick, work tends to kick my ass hard. Architecture is unforgiving like that. Then I yelled at the Kid like the poop is his fault. Being a horrible mother is hard work. It's been a miserable couple o' days around here, let me tell you.

To take my mind off things I made up some valentines. I dug up some lovely stardream red cardstock and a bunch of glassine envelopes. I knew I wanted to make something with a window, so I came up with an envelope in an envelope.

I got mini (whee!) Pez, and some colorful candy hearts and put them in the glassine envelope. Glassine is perfect for this because it's light and soft - just right to show off the candy inside.

The Kid likes it mostly because there's no chocolate involved so he can eat it fine. I cut a window out of the cardstock and ...

...busted out the sewing machine. I thought it'd be cute to have some little stitches running around the edge. My extremely expensive sewing machine was not happy, but what can you do.

I apologized to the Kid for yelling at him and he didn't remember a thing. Yet I am scarred for life, of course. Well that was a lovely post. Poo and candy hearts. I told the Kid that unicorns poop candy hearts and I think he believes me. Man, I am a horrible mother.
.

Straight motherf*ckin ballin', Westside

I asked the Kid to go wake up the Baby. He and I are alike, we both automatically wake early, no alarms, just after 6am. The Baby has nothing on his agenda apparently, and will sleep as long as he can.

I watched the Kid open the Baby's door, tiptoe to the crib, then yell, "SUMMON THE BEAST!" DAH! I couldn't stop laughing. Apparently it's a line from the horribly lame sequel to Peter Pan. Now since they heard me laugh, the kids won't stop saying it. Crazy.

It's weird that I am on a soup kick, when the weather has turned and it's about 80 degrees here in L.A. Since the kids love mochi, I made up a batch of what I call, "Mochi Ball Soup." Think of it as an asian cross between Albondigas, and Matzo Ball Soup.

Keep in mind this is PLAIN mochi, not sweet mochi like these desserts. Nope. It also has pork meatballs and the little mochi balls have ham inside. I make the BALLZ tiny and bite size. The kids like it.
When I call the kids for dinner now, I yell "SUMMON THE BEAST!," of course. Hilarious.
Mochi Ball Soup recipe, HERE.

Push it real good

Ok, by now all the shower guests are in the know and the mom2be is too busy with a newborn to read this blog. So when I found out my friend was having a baby I was very excited for her. But she lived far away, and most of her friends were scattered all over the country, as well. When it turned out that she ended up having to go on bedrest for HALF her pregnancy, I knew she had to be miserable. Bedrest always sounds like fun, but it rarely is. Especially when you inevitably have to push a basketball out of your vagina.
So I thought the best way to cheer her up, and put my own creative boredom to good use, was to throw her a "Virtual Shower". I told her to give me a list of 10 friends, I would send them a favor box, and all they had to do was send the mom2be a gift. That's it! What is better than free crap in the mail? Nothing, I tell you. And it was a very simple concept, where I could handle everything myself. Except, of course, I had to go overboard with the matchy-match.

She was having a girl and was cool with pink, so I went with a pink and brown theme. (As I have done...in the past. Shut up.) I designed EVERYTHING around this, and I drew a little swaddled baby girl to go with it. I enclosed three cards that were kind of like 'shower games' but not as lame, in the box, as well as a stamped addressed envelope to the mom2be, so they just had to fill out the cards, and mail it in the envelope that I provided. See, I'm making this as easy as possible for the participants.

One card was a fill in the blank, 'when I'm pregant I look forward to...". The second was a traditional 'make all the baby names you can out of the parents names' card, and finally a plain old 'advice' card. Always handy. On mine I wrote, "GET THE EPIDURAL."

As far as the favor itself, here's what I put in the box for the girls. A pink washcloth, a bag of pink and brown maltballs, (Harry & David had the cutest Valentine's stuff, but I tossed the reds as they did not go with my decor. Pfft.) and I made each girl personalized notecards, in pink, of course. The kicker was three little 'Fat Witch Baby' brownies. When mom2be went on our bachelorette to New York, we all fell in love with these, the best brownies in the world, and I thought the 'baby' size was just too cute.

I even included a label with the mom2be's address, so that all they had to do was stick it on the gift they were supposed to buy, and mail it off. Hey, I am helpful to the lazy.

Throwing a virtual shower was the best way to show a long distance friend that I cared, and it wasn't that expensive. The main cost was the shipping, really. And hey, it quenched my party planning thirst as well. More "Virtual Shower" prep pics HERE, and to see what I gave her for a gift...
...click here.